


The Circus' Angel

by RonjaPaan



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cages, Captivity, Circus, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Magic, Muteness, Nesting, Non-Consensual Touching, Self-Harm, Urban Fantasy, Wingfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28738143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonjaPaan/pseuds/RonjaPaan
Summary: Kiran has been held captive in the circus for the majority of his life. His beautiful white wings attracted the masses wherever they went and make the circus a fortune of money. But where most see a tamed, yet dangerous animal, some see a young man in chains, forced to perform in front of an audience everyday. Maybe after years of captivity, finally something might change.
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I publish something longer than a shortstory, so I basically got no clue what I'm doing.  
> I'll probably update irregularly, we'll see how good I am at keeping a solid pace.
> 
> The self-harm tag will become relevant in chapter 5 or 6, I will mark it explicitly again in the summary to every chapter in which it is featured. It isn't the traditional meaning of this tag, but I still wanted to give a warning just in case. I'll explain it further when it comes to it.
> 
> However, I hope you enjoy and sorry for the mistakes I missed, I betaed myself.

The cheer of the crowd always meant two things for Kiran: humiliation and freedom. He hated being paraded around, being put on display and showcased to satisfy the audience’s curiosity. The eyes that followed his every move felt like glowing hot needles, piercing his skin and ice-cold fingers, caressing through his wings at the same time.

Some days, he struggled with all his might against the shackles, tried all he could to keep his dignity. On other days, the pain was so unbearable, that one futile moment of freedom was worth everything to him. The few minutes in which he was allowed to stretch his wings to their full span. In which he could fly. Today was one of those days.

He didn’t resist when Daniel put his hands through the bars of his cage to chain his wrists together. He let him guide himself out of the cage and didn’t even flinch when he secured the long chain around his neck. Kirans wings twitched lightly, but he held himself back from stretching them too early. He had been hit by tranquilizer darts and woke up with chained hands in his cage afterwards too often to try. They never let him out of their sight when he was outside of his cage and there were always at least two guns pointed at him. He had tried everything, it always ended the same: more pain, less freedom.

“Will you behave today?”, Daniel asked and raised an eyebrow.

Kiran only stared.

“Okay. Showtime.”, sighed Daniel and pulled on the chain around his neck so he would follow him.

Slowly Kiran trotted behind him, eyes pinned to the floor. The howling of the crowd grew louder and louder the closer they got. Regardless, his wings twitched in anticipation. He blocked everything out: The starring of the workers, the stench of the stables parred with the smell of cotton candy and popcorn and the trembling of his hands, that he couldn’t get under control. Instead, he concentrated solely on his wings. On the feeling of the gentle breeze, gently stroking his feathers, the strong muscles that spasmed in hopeful anticipation and the pain. The pure physical pain of not being able to stretch his wings, and the raw emotional pain of being tethered to the ground.

Only when he stepped into the tent and the cheers of the crowd became deafening, he was pulled back into reality. Daniel stopped next to one of the circus’ staff members, a young guy in a bright red uniform who seemed vaguely familiar. For one moment their eyes met, but the man jerked his head around before Kiran was able to study his expression further.

Slowly the crowd behind the double door fell silent and Kiran could hear the ringmaster’s voice. Always the same words, the same lies. He hadn’t hunted and defeated Kiran, he bought him. Best investment of his life. He hadn’t fallen out from the heavens, he was born here. And even if it was true that his kind could grow old, he wasn’t even thirty yet.

“Ready?”, Daniel asked when the prompt came, but Kiran didn’t react. He never reacted. Therefore, Daniel just turned around and walked through the door, without another word. A jerk on his neck forced Kiran to stumble behind him, through the door, out into the arena. He did his best to ignore the crowd, ignore the stares. The hair on the back of his neck that jerked upright.

Daniel dragged him to the middle of the arena where an iron ring was anchored deep into the ground, just for him. Daniel bent down and secured the end of the chain with a heavy lock, then he let the long chain he previously had wrapped around his arm fall to the ground and left the arena with hurried steps. The ringmaster turned to him and made a cautious step in his direction. He eyed him suspiciously to see if he would allow the big show tonight.

When he didn’t retreat or shot up into the air, the ringmaster reached out his hand tentatively and rested it on his cheek, where the leather straps ran around his head and pressed his jaw mercilessly together.

“Breathtakingly beautiful and yet so dangerous.”, the ringmaster continued his speech without turning his gaze away.

“This simple piece of leather is all that protects the world from his magic.”

He still didn’t let go of his cheek and with every second Kiran tensed more and more. He didn’t hear the ringmasters next words, all he felt was the burning touch on his skin. Hate flared up in him, pure rage, contained by leather and metal. Abruptly he stepped back and, in an instinct, he opened his wings.

A murmur went through the crowd and immediately his anger vanished and was replaced by the all too well-known shame. But not today. Today he wouldn’t let them take away this moment of freedom. He closed his eyes and stretched his wings, moved them gently back and forth and relished in the feeling of the cramps leaving his body. When he opened his eyes again, he didn’t look at the ringmaster, who pointed at his feathers and explained something to the captivated audience. He turned his head and looked at his clipped wings. The pure white seemed dull and dirty. Sadly, he pulled his left wing in front of him and touched the spot with his chained hands. They clipped him in a way that he was too instable to fly either very high or far. It took a lot of trial and error before they knew exactly which feathers they had to clip to keep him effectively on the ground and still could showcase him in the circus tent.

He was thankful that they didn’t clip him completely, even if he knew that their reasons had nothing to do with his wellbeing. The months in which he was truthfully tethered to the ground had been the worst of his life. He shuddered when he thought about how he had stood helplessly at this very spot and tried rising up into the air unsuccessfully until he collapsed from exhaustion.

It only took one powerful beat of his wings and then he was flying. Effortless he spined higher and higher, until a painful jerk at his neck stopped him. He fought against the chain for a few seconds, driven by an instinctive yearning for freedom, for the sky and for the endless vastness of the horizon.

Only when he could think rationally again, he dropped a few meters, so he’d be able to circle inside the arena comfortably. He tried to ignore the children that were pointing at him, the adults that stared at him with dropped jaws and the deafening cheering. He merely wanted to fly. If it weren’t for the chain, he’d fly just inches over their heads, give them a well-deserved scare and steal their hats. That thought made him grin, but no matter how much he hated the stares, he’d never endanger innocents. And the chain he dragged behind him would become hazardous if he didn’t flew high enough.

It didn’t take long until the weigh of the chain began to hurt his neck. In the beginning it had imbalanced him too much to be able to steer. Now he was well accustomed to drag the dead freight behind him. Sometimes he asked himself if he’d even be able to fly without it now. If he’d be able to resist the strong currents of the wind and if he still could glide on the thin air high above the clouds.

Realistically he knew that it would take a lot of training, if he ever wanted to fly the way he did before. His muscles were atrophied, his stamina had deteriorated to a fraction of what it once was. But he didn’t allow himself to think to much about it. Instead he dreamed of the chain just falling away and the tent opening up above him so he could fly up and up to the sun.

Realistically he knew that he would only leave the circus when the humans lost interest in him. And whatever would follow, it wouldn’t be better. But he didn’t think about that either.

The loud blow of a whistle jolted him out of his thoughts and he looked down to the ringmaster, who held up an orange ring. He blowed the whistle once more and threw the ring up in the air. Frantically, Kiran looked around and spotted five other rings, that audience members had thrown.

He had refused to play their games for a long time, knowing that they did it for the audiences entertainment, but the ring throwing actually was fun. So, he ignored the humiliation of being made to perform in front of a cheering crowd like a dancing monkey and simply raced in a staggering speed through the arena to catch the six rings before they touched the ground.

He caught three of them in the blink of an eye and let them glide on his wrist. Then he plummeted to the ground to grab two more out of the air. The last one he grabbed just two meters above the ground. Like always he rose higher afterwards and let the rings fall to the ground exactly above the ringmaster. Disappointed he watched him dodge them all, then he beat his wings until he rose to the height of the aerial acrobats’ tightropes. He settled onto one of the trapezes and relished in the feeling of his fully outstretched wings. He couldn’t hold onto the trapeze well with his chained wrists, so he used his wings for balance.

For half a minute he did nothing but letting his legs swing underneath him and starring into the nothing, then he the sound of the whistle echoed through the tent and again the audience members threw rings up in his general direction. Ten this time. A chocked laughter slipped out of his mouth when he caught the last ring just one meter above the ground. This time he decided to throw them at the ringmaster directly instead of just letting them fall. But he expected that as well and caught five of them elegantly out of the air and dodged the others with ease.

Frustrated Kiran lifted himself up again and circled slowly around the arena as high as the chain allowed for. Two more times they let him catch rings. First twelve, which he all caught, then at least twenty of which he only got to 14 in time. Still, he had a triumph this fourth time. He let 13 of his rings rain down on the ringmaster simultaneously and again he dodged them all. But when he thought himself safe, he threw the last one and hit him on the shoulder. Triumphant he pushed himself up and hovered for a few seconds with fully extended wings in the middle of the arena.

Then he felt a jerk around his neck and looked down. For a few moments he refused to come down until more circus workers stepped into the arena, ready to pull him down if needed. He knew that they could do it. It was painful and humiliating and afterwards they’d tie his wings. Some days it was worth all this. Just to put up resistance. Just to show them that he didn’t belong to them. That he still had his spirit. But not today.

Slowly he descended until his feet touched the ground. One last time he stretched his wings, then he folded them behind his back.

Daniel came to them and waited until the ringmaster ended his speech. It was the same bullshit as before, about how dangerous he was and how his feathers had magic powers. Then Daniel released the chain, wrapped it around his arm and led him out of the arena.

“Good job.”, he whispered grinning as soon as they left the tent, “I had a bet on you hitting him next time. He had it coming, it was only a matter of time.”

Kiran rolled his eyes but still smiled at him behind his gag. Daniel smiled in return. No matter how hard Kiran tried, his expressive eyes always showed his true feelings and Daniel was well experienced in interpreting them. Kiran had decided years ago to embrace the good days without questioning them. He didn’t ask himself how the days when his pain was so excruciating, he didn’t have any energy left to fight, had become his good days. He didn’t ask himself why Daniel was his best friend as well as his greatest enemy. He just accepted it. Today was a good day.

Daniel might be his guard but that didn’t mean that Kiran would refuse those little gifts he gave him. His pride wasn’t worth it. Not on days like this. Maybe tomorrow he’d ram his elbow into Daniel’s face again and refuse the food. Maybe tomorrow he’d spend the day curled under his shabby blanket and mess up their show, just to get some control back. But not today. Today, he’d allow Daniel inside his cage and let him massage his tight muscles. Maybe he’d get him to read to him or listen to music together. Anything to distract him from his loneliness and boredom. Today he’d allow himself to forget that Daniel was his warden, today he’d stop to fight.

What tomorrow might bring only the sunrise knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got the story planned out more or less completely and written about half of it. But... English isn't my first language, meaning I write in german, my native language, and translate chapter by chapter. I use this as a way to practice my english, so I'm really sorry if I made stupid mistakes, feel free to point them out to me. In case you are interested in the original version, I post it in german simultaneously.
> 
> How often I update will depend on how often I translate, therefore I wont make any promises. 
> 
> Comments would be very appreciated, but I'm thankful for everyone who clicked and hope you had a good time reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting new characters and wing care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it to chapter two, I'm impressed. Have fun :)

“Angel!”, an excited female voice greeted him and Kiran smiled faintly. Kimmy was one of the few in the circus he actually liked. The giddy hairdresser was responsible for keeping him somewhat decent looking.

“Heard you got Tradwill yesterday!”, she exclaimed happily, and Kiran grinned at the thought of how he had hit the ringmaster with the plastic ring yesterday.

“Yes, he did.”, Daniel answered in his place and grinned as well, “It was awesome, you really missed something.”

For a moment Kimmy pouted, but then she beamed at him and gestured to a chair in front of a colourfully illuminated mirror. Daniel led him to it and tied his chain to the backrest, so he was forced to stay seated. His wings were pressed uncomfortably against the chair, so he spread them tentatively, expecting Daniel to hold him back. They were painfully aware that his wings could be a weapon as well, that’s why they never let him unfold them fully.

But Kimmy just brushed gently through his feathers and smiled at him in the mirror. The guards looked questioning to Daniel, who just shrugged his shoulders and didn’t approach to stop him. After a minute of gentle strokes Kimmy’s expression grew serious and she let go of him.

“I’m supposed to pluck some feathers as well, could you clean yourself here and give me the loose ones? I don’t want to tear them out.”

Instinctively, Kiran drew his wings in front of him, out of reach of her fingers. But when he looked at them, he nodded. He hadn’t thoroughly cleaned his wings for days and there were bound to be loose feathers in them that he could give them, without suffering any pain.

Normally, cleaning his wings was a private matter that he did in the loneliness of the night when no one watched him. But he wasn’t mindful of keeping the feathers he lost, on the contrary, he hated that they sold them, so he did his best to make them disappear. But that lead to them plucking healthy feathers.

Gently he brushed with his fingertips through his feathers, straightened them and pulled out dirt.

“Do you need water?”, Kimmy asked and interrupted his thoughts. His fingers froze and he looked up into the mirror, where he met Kimmy’s gaze. Kiran nodded delicately and immediately she went to a sink where she filled up a bowl. She put it on the table in front of him and he cautiously stuck his fingers inside, surprised that it was pleasantly warm.

It was much more effective to wash his wings with the help of water. Dirt from weeks got washed out and immediately his wings seemed brighter. He concentrated a couple of minutes on the spot in his left wing where they clipped him. Gently he massaged the leftover shafts and examined it carefully for infections. And indeed, the skin around one of the clipped feathers was red. Sometimes the feathers died when they were cut back so ruthlessly, but the large primaries didn’t fall out as easily as the smaller feathers that covered the rest of his wings. That’s why they got infected from time to time.

He closed his eyes and pulled at the feather forcefull. A painful gasp escaped him and he opened his eyes wide. He’d never get used to the sight of his cut feathers. Repulsed he dropped it and tended to the wound it had left. He washed it gently with water and stroked over it a couple of times until the pain receded. Sadly he took the half feather and grazed over the shaft. Then he placed it on the table next to the water bowl so Kimmy could take it later. Even if it was only half, it was still one of his primaries and therefore very valuable.

He took his time cleaning his wings and no one rushed him. Probably they had never realised how many feathers he lost while cleaning and didn’t want to stop him now that he was almost literally shitting gold like a magic donkey. He already pulled out a dozen, most of them loose ones, two crooked.

He would lose less feathers if he could take care of his wings properly. If he wouldn’t spend most of his time in a cage, his wings pressed against his body. If they wouldn’t chain them. But like this, his feathers fell out faster and grew slower. He could feel that his wings had thinned out, since he came here. They atrophied. Obviously they did, he barely flew anymore. And the few rounds he was allowed in the circus ring, didn’t really count as flying.

Finally he was finished with the inside of his wings and looked questioningly to Daniel, holding his chained hands up.

“You know the rules Angel, I can’t open the chains. You’re gonna have to do the rest in the cage. I don’t suppose you’ll let one of us help you with the back, right?”

He shuddered at the thought of strange hands in his feathers.

“Will you let me?”, Kimmy asked gently, “I’ll stop as soon as you pull back.”

For a few moments he eyed her cautiously, then he nodded and unfolded his wings behind his back so Kimmy could touch them. She was one of the very few he allowed to touch his wings, but till now he never let anyone else clean them. It was an intimate act, something friends and family did for each other. Nothing that should be done while he was chained to a chair. And still the delicate touches felt good. Maybe because she always treated him kindly. Even so far as if he were just another circus artist and not a prisoner. He knew that she persuaded herself of it. She never visited him in his cage. She didn’t watch the shows. She ignored the fact that he was gagged and couldn’t answer her questions. And still it felt good. Being treated like a human.

She was very careful, even too careful with his wings. He’d have to screen himself again this night, especially on the back side he always found many loose and broken feathers, because he regularly pressed them against the bars of the cage.

“I think this one has to be plucked.”, she said after some time and pointed at a spot on his right wing, “It looks weirdly crooked.”

Instinctively, he wanted to check for himself, but he couldn’t reach it with his bound hands. So he reached in front of him and picked up one of the broken feathers on the table. Questioningly he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, looks kinda like that.”

For a moment he closed his eyes, then he nodded. He trusted her, as carefully as she was with his wings, she wouldn’t pluck a feather if it wasn’t necessary.

“Okay, then I’ll pull it out now.”

He wished he could tell her to do it fast, she was way too cautious, way too slow. It hurt like hell.

“Just do it at once.”, Daniel intervened, “The way he does it. You’re just hurting him.”

Kiran nodded hastily and Kimmy finally pulled the feather out. He gasped pained, all her careful tugging had left him tender.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!”, she immediately shouted and let go of him. Kiran shook his head and held his hands up. Luckily, she understood him and placed the feather on his hands. It was long and indeed broken in the middle. It had to go. He nodded to Kimmy in the mirror and put it to the others.

“Did I do it right?”, she asked, an uncertain look in her face. He pointed to the feather and nodded, then he gestured towards Daniel.

“I was right with the feather, but I have to do it faster?”

Again, he nodded. Carefully she continued to clean his wings and found three more loose feathers.

“Done.”, she said some time after and he stretched his wings. Carefully he spread his feathers a bit and let them twitch back and forth.

“They are beautiful.”, Kimmy whispered and even Daniel looked at him with a strange look on his face. Why all of a sudden? He saw Kiran almost daily. Their starring became awkward, so he folded his wings on his back and slumped on the chair, even though it was uncomfortable.

“Well, that should be enough feathers for Tradwill. I’ll only have to cut your hair and nails, then you’re good to go.”

His hair was waved and dark brown. They kept it in a middle length, even though long hair was typical for angels. They were easier to maintain and with his white wings, he already looked like a stereotypical angel. The hair didn’t make a difference. These white wings had been a curse all his life. They had made him a target. And they were the reason why Tradwill had to pay so much for him.

Kimmy started talking while she washed and cut his hair. About everything and nothing. He liked it. Not being treated like an animal, but a human being.

It had probably been more than two hours, when Daniel unfastened the chain from the chair and lead him outside. Kimmy waved him goodbye happily and then left to her own wagon.

“Angel…”, Daniel suddenly started, while they walked to the stables, “How old were you when you were taken?”

Kiran stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Daniel.

“Something’s wrong with your documents. You were a minor when Tradwill bought you, am I right?”

He shrugged his shoulders and averted his gaze.

“Please, Angel. It’s important. How old were you?”

Hesitantly, he looked up and raised his hands, eight fingers stretched out.

“Eight? You were only eight?”

Warily he nodded. Daniel stared at him horrified. “What happened with your parents?”

Kiran raised an eyebrow. Why did he care all of a sudden? He had dragged him into an arena everyday for years, locked him into a cage way to small for his wings every night.

“I’m sorry, I… I’m sorry.”, Daniel stuttered.

He spread his wings and glared at him. After all these years he was sorry?

“I…”, Daniel started, but didn’t finish his sentence. Instead he sighed and tugged gently on the chain to get him moving again. That’s how easily they went back to their old routine. He led Kiran to his cage and with the help of two other men, shoved him back inside. Only when the door was locked, he reached through the bars and released him from the chains around his neck and wrists. Kiran plopped down and rubbed the red spots they had left.

David squatted on the other side of the bars and looked him into the eyes.

“Today is the last show before the winter break. We’ll move on in two days, to Admia.”

He looked at Kiran for a couple of seconds, as if he waited for some sort of reaction. But the name of the town meant as little to him as the ones of the last couple of cities they had visited. Kiran didn’t know why Daniel even cared to tell him where they went.

When Kiran didn’t react, Daniel swallowed and turned his gaze towards the ground.

“We’ve never been as close to the place you were found as Admia. At least according to your papers.”

Kiran raised an eyebrow and grabbed one of the bars with his hand.

“Aren’t you glad to get back home?”, Daniel probed further.

Kiran constrained himself to not roll his eyes, instead he let go of the bar and scootched back. A clear signal for Daniel: he didn’t want to continue this conversation.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have told you.”, Daniel sighed, “Not like it makes a difference for you.”

Kiran nodded and for a moment pondered clapping for this brilliant deduction on Daniels side, but ultimately decided against it.

“Your papers probably are faked anyway.”, Daniel murmured and lowered himself to the ground. “Shit.”, he swore and buried his face in his hands.

Kiran watched him irritated. What was wrong with him? For a while Daniel stayed motionless on the ground in front of the cage, until he suddenly jolted upright, stretched his sore muscles for a short moment and then left the stable without another word.

Kiran stared at the closed door through which Daniel had bolted for a couple of minutes, unsure of what he just witnessed. Finally, he just shrugged and rolled on his side. Nothing. It hadn’t meant anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got no clue of birds or actual wings, so this has absolutely nothing to do with reality. Let's just say it's magic and therefore it doesn't matter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow and blankets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the third chapter :)

“Good morning!”

Kiran startled awake and immediately hit his left wing against the cage’s bars. Frustrated he glared at the way too happy Daniel and pulled his wing forward to massage the pain out of it.

“Come on, don’t look at me like that! It’s a great day, the sun’s shining, we finally arrived just in time for Christmas… Won’t you give me a smile for that?”

Kiran continued to glare at him, while stroking his lightly throbbing wing.

Daniel sighed and turned his gaze away.

“Not even for the snow?”

Kiran stopped his fingers and stared at his handler, who slowly raised his head again, the biggest grin on his face. For a moment he considered throwing his blanket against the bars just to wipe that stupid grin from his face, but his wings already had decided for him: they shivered in excitement. Hastily he pulled them close to his back in a hopeless attempt to hide it, but before he could continue glaring at Daniel, a smile had crept on his face. Shit, Daniel! How did he always manage to do that?

It couldn’t have been more than a second before Kiran erased the smile from his face and replaced it with an empty, bored expression.

“That counts!”, Daniel cheered and basically started to bounce on his feet in excitement. Kiran stared at him surprised, but then just decided to go with it and shrugged. He had had gotten used to Daniel’s mood swings, especially in the last couple of months.

And snow did sound good. Amazing actually.

“Come here, I want to show you the new campsite. And the snow obviously. Oh, we could make snow angels, Angel!”

For that Kiran did throw his bunched-up blanket against the bars, after all.

  


* * *

  


An hour later, after Daniel had given him something to drink and helped him clean up a little in his cage, Kiran stood in the crisp December-air and soaked in the weak but still warm light of the morning sun. His wrists were bound, the long chain fastened around his neck and two guards followed him and Daniel through the newly build camp. Apart from the usual necessities, there wasn’t much going on in the circus. It was Christmas and after the tent had been set, some workers had left for the holidays. There were enough left, that spend them here so it didn’t feel lonely, but still, the atmosphere was distinctly different. Less mad henhouse, more meditation group that uses glitter bombs instead of sound bowls. Still absolutely mad, but in little excited bursts, instead of constant noise.

One of those bursts was Kimmy that insisted on screaming “Happy Christmas!” at them from the other side of the camp even though neither of them actually celebrated it.

Kiran wasn’t sure which, if any holidays Daniel celebrated, but Christmas, he spend with Kiran. Hadn’t missed one, not even those when he had buried himself in his blanket all day, missing his parents or those when he had screamed at him through his gag until his throat hurt. He’d helped him dry his tears even though he didn’t know what he mourned and he had let himself be the target of his rage just to bring him a soothing tea afterwards.

If the holiday had any real meaning to Daniel, he would have a better way of spending it than moping around with a depressed angel, so Kiran assumed, it didn’t.

But no depression today. Luckily, they had a white Christmas this year. And that meant that Daniel could spend the day outside with him and didn’t have to deal with Kiran’s depression. He probably knew that. Kiran’s love of snow was the worst kept secret in the entire circus and someone always took him outside under some kind of feeble excuse, when it snowed. Maybe that’s why Daniel was in such a good mood today. No screaming, no crying, just snow. That must be a relief.

“I thought you left yesterday.”, Daniel said, when Kimmy stopped in front of them.

“I’m actually on my way to the train station.”, she answered and smiled at Kiran, “I wanted to go yesterday but my train was delayed because of the snowstorm. I waited forever and finally decided to just wait until today.”

“Oh, the trains are really shitty around here.”

Kimmy just shrugged. “So, what are you boys up to today?”

Daniel grinned and glanced towards Kiran. “Playing in the snow, I guess. I heard there’s supposed to be even more snowfall this afternoon.”

Kimmy nodded. “Watch out that he doesn’t get cold. Remember the last time, idiot?”

Daniel averted his glaze bashfully for a second but then looked up to eye Kiran’s clothing sceptically.

“Can one of you guys go get us a blanket?”, he asked the guards and to Kiran’s amazement, one of them actually turned around wordlessly. That left him with just one guard, less than he ever had when outside before. For a moment a flood of possible escape plans took over his mind, only to be rejected one after the other. Finally, a hand in his feathers interrupted his fruitless planning and he immediately pulled back.

“Stop.”, Daniel ordered calmly and gave him a stern look. Kiran froze right in his track and stared at Daniel fearfully. Quickly Daniel grabbed the tip of his wing, his hand iron-tight around his primary, so Kiran couldn’t move away without ripping his own feather out.

“Sorry.”, Daniel said softly, “I can see it in your eyes. I’ll let go when Thomas is back again.”

Kiran tucked at his wing in protest, but Daniel didn’t move an inch, so it became painful fast.

“Don’t be mean.”, Kimmy intervened, but Daniel just shook his head. Luckily, it took only a minute until the guard came back with a bright red blanket in his arms. Daniel let go slowly and offered him the blanket. Immediately Kiran gathered his wings tight against his back, as far out of Daniel’s reach as he could.

“I’m sorry, Angel.”, Daniel repeated, the hand with his blanket still stretched out, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Kiran thought about refusing Daniel. About just starting to scream at him, fighting, until he’d bring him back to his cage. But then a snowflake grabbed his attention. Slowly it tumbled to the ground, almost like a feather in the wind. Mesmerized he followed its way down to earth, where it joined its brothers. He turned his head to the sky to see if any others would follow and when he saw dozens more flowing down towards him, he lit up. Not literally, like he might have as a child, but still he could feel his suppressed magic flow inside him, begging to be released so he could show the world his joy.

He reached up with his hands to catch one of the snowflakes and watched how it melted in the heat of his body. It only took a minute for the snow to become denser and when the world was hidden behind a white curtain his wings fluttered and a happy whistle tried to escape his lips. He turned in a circle, his eyes fixed on the sky and the white falling towards him. He barely registered the blanket gentle hands wrapped around him and the happy laughter next to him.

Only when his wings began to freeze, he turned his attention back to the humans. Daniel smiled at him softly.

“Are you getting cold?”

Kiran nodded and pulled his wings closer around his body to reduce his surface area and keep the warmth inside.

“Let’s go to my wagon, I’ve got some things for you that might help with that. After the debacle last time, I came prepared.”

“Good, I’d have to miss my train to punch you if not.”, Kimmy interrupted and winked at Kiran, “I’ll leave you boys to it then. Have fun, I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Bye, have a good time with your family.”

“Unlikely, but thanks.”

Kiran made a small waving motion with his hands and Kimmy grinned at him in return.

“See you soon, Angel.”

And with that, she turned on her heels and left in a hurry to catch her train.

  


* * *

  


As it turned out, Daniel had a whole arsenal of hot-water bottles, heated blankets, finger warmers and silly santa-hats to keep him warm. They stayed outside the entire day, building snowmen, inviting everyone - willing or not - into their snowball fights and just sitting under the roof of Daniel’s wagon and watching the snowflakes covering the world like powdered sugar.

Only when the sun set, Daniel led him back to his cage. He settled with him inside of it and opened his bounds.

As good as the day had been, the moment he Daniel opened his shackles and revealed the irritated and scarred skin underneath it, the pit in his stomach and the darkness in his chest grew until he could barely breath.

“Do you want to be alone?”, Daniel asked softly and moved back to give Kiran space.

Kiran nodded so Daniel stood up and leave the cage. But when he actually turned his back towards him, a loud whine from deep within his throat escaped him and Daniel wheeled around. When he saw the tears streaming down Kiran’s face and the way his hands clasped and unclasped without gripping something, he settled next to him and pulled him into a tight embrace.

He didn’t say anything, just let Kiran burry his head in his neck and let him fall into the touch. And when Kiran’s whining and sobbing turned into screams and his fingers started to claw at his chest, he endured it, unmoving like a boulder.

Kiran didn’t know how long he had sat there in Daniel’s arms when he finally calmed down. He wasn’t angry anymore, wasn’t grieving, he was nothing but exhausted. Too tired to care that he hated the way Daniel made him feel, too drained to care that his entirely ambiguous emotions toward his caretaker made him weary.

“You can sleep, nothing will happen to you.”, Daniel whispered and gently stroke his arm. Kiran shook his head and looked up to Daniel, his eyes filled with accusation.

Daniel swallowed, but continued stroking his skin.

“Nothing will happen to you today. I’ll make sure of it.”

Kiran didn’t have the energy left in him to object, so he just closed his eyes and let the tiredness take control of his body.

“I’m sorry.”, he heard Daniel’s whisper before he slipped into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot? What plot? I promise there is gonna be some, somehwere hidden in this and it will get moving soon. Until then, enjoy some heavy angst. 
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes as always. I hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for everyone who got this far. 
> 
> In case you already read the previous chapters before I corrected them, I changed the name of the ringmaster from Beaker to Tradwill. Not that one is necessarily less ridiculous than the other, but at least a Tradwill is no tool in a chemistry lab. I just slabbed some letters together when I first named that character, not realising a Beaker is actually a thing in english. Naming characters is hard...
> 
> This chapter deviated quite a bit from what I had planned out for it, as a result it's a bit all over the place, but I think it adds to the atmosphere, that's why I'm keeping it. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Since Christmas, Daniel had drawn back. He didn’t talk to Kiran anymore and didn’t spend one second more than necessary in his vicinity. A few times, he even opened the cage wordlessly, left the stable as if on the run, and let someone else take care of Kiran. Only after Tradwill caught him and threatened him with toilet duty, he stayed with Kiran, just long enough to take care of the bare necessities.

The first day, Kiran had tried to get him to talk with gentle pinches and questioning eyes, but when Daniel pushed him away coldly, he decided that it wasn’t worth it.

Daniel had been moody the last couple of months, he would get a hold of himself sooner or later. Maybe he just missed the usual activity in the circus, or he was uncomfortable in the cold weather. Whatever it was, eventually he’d show up at Kiran’s cage, with his exorbitant grin, and do something stupid to make him smile.

Because Kimmy visited her family and no one let him outside during the winter break anyways, Miriam was his only welcome human contact. Tradwill visited a few times, but it always ended with his wings banging against the cage and a multitude of different thrown objects: Whatever he had inside the cage. However much it frustrated him to be unable to actually hit Tradwill, the sound of the bucket hitting the bars and Tradwill’s hasty steps backward, were more than enough to make up for it.

Miriam on the other hand was nice to him and in return, he stopped himself from screaming at her whenever she came close. That was all that was worth mentioning about their relationship. Still: Without Daniel and Kimmy, she was the best he could get.

As much as he hated the performances in the arena, now during the break, when he hadn’t left the cage apart from that one exception on Christmas, he missed the small freedom of it. And so, it happened that he looked forward to the opening show on New Year’s Eve. If only to throw rings at Tradwill. And stretch his wings. Every hour cooped up, they hurt more.

On the night of the 30th of December, the pain finally overwhelmed him. Desperately he hit his wings against the cold metal of the bars and when that did nothing but make it worse, he drew them closely around his body and screamed.

He didn’t even realise someone had entered his cage until a familiar voice called out in a reassuring tone. “Shh… Everything’s fine Angel!”

Kiran didn’t lift his head to see who spoke to him, he just whacked his right wing in the direction the voice had come from and was rewarded with some sort of resistance and a satisfying sound when the person was thrown against the cage bars.

Multiple voices started screaming. “Shit! Get out of there!”

Kiran ignored them and drew his wings close around his body once more. His screams hat faded to a whimper that was smothered mostly by his gag.

“Please, calm down Angel. I’m here. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

Rage tore through his body. That wasn’t his name. His feathers ruffled up and he raised his head to furiously stare at the intruder.

“Dammit Daniel! Get the hell outa there!”

Kiran blinked surprised when he recognised that it indeed was Daniel, who crouched down a few feet from him and helplessly reached out with his arm. A trickle of blood flowed down his temple and his other hand was pressed against his left shoulder.

“Angel please!”, Daniel pleaded, “I just wanna help you, let me help you!”

That wasn’t his name! He would’ve bellowed it if he could. He would’ve burned it into Daniel’s soul. Unleashed his magic and never let him forget. But now all he did was beat with his wing and toss Daniel against the bars once more. He groaned with pain, but before he could slide down to the floor, Kiran stood in front of him and pressed him with his wing against the cold bars.

“Angel!”, Daniel gasped. As soon as the name left his mouth, Kiran pressed him harder against the bars, almost cutting off his air supply. Fear flared up in his eyes.

“Please!”, he whispered. Kiran blinked once, then what he had done crashed down on him. Daniel. More blood run down his head now and stained his shirt. Kiran could feel the unnatural position of Daniel’s arm under his wing. He retreated a bit, not enough for Daniel to flee, but enough that he wouldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Good. Thank you. Now, please… Let me go.”

Kiran couldn’t. He knew what would happen if he did. Now they were in a standoff. The guards didn’t shoot, because he could kill Daniel with just one shrug of his wing. If he let go, he would lose his only cover. Daniel pressed his lips together and turned away his gaze.

“I’m sorry.”, he whispered.

A split second too late, Kiran understood what he meant. When he felt the hand in his feathers, he could do nothing to prevent what was coming. The pain was blaring hot and raced through his entire body. For the first time in his life, he was thankful for the cold of the sedative that travelled through his veins and froze his limbs. Before he passed out, he caught a glimpse of Daniel, standing over him, his fist full of bright white feathers.

Even though he knew this picture would haunt him for the rest of his life, that wasn’t the worst. The worst was that Daniel would never understand why he had lashed out. Tomorrow he would call him by that name again, just like everybody else.

* * *

Kiran woke up exhausted and spiritless. He laid on his side, alone. He didn’t have the energy to test his bonds. He could feel them painfully around his wings, he saw his bound wrists and he knew the punishment for using his wings as a weapon. There was no reason to waste his energy on that. Today was New Year’s Eve. He would need his energy for the show. Did he actually look forward to it yesterday?

“Angel?”

Kiran felt an echo of yesterday’s rage surge up within him, but in a few seconds, it fizzled down to nothing but bitterness and loneliness. His eyes darted up to Daniel. Obviously, it was Daniel who watched him sad and worried from the other side of the bars. His left arm was in a sling, but apart from that, he seemed fine.

“I… I told them that you… That you’re in pain and that’s because… I… I told Tradwill that this…”

He made a vague gesture towards Kiran’s wings and averted his gaze. Kiran closed his eyes and let his tears flow.

“Angel, please… I…”, Daniel stammered.

For a couple of seconds, it became eerily quiet, until Daniel asked shakily: “Will you hurt me if I come inside?”

Kiran didn’t react, didn’t even open his eyes. The more surprised he was when he heard the lock open. Daniel didn’t hesitate to come close, he kneeled next to him and stroke his arm. When Kiran didn’t jerk away, he gently pulled him on his lap and held him. Only now Kiran realised how much he was shaking.

“Everything’s gonna be fine.”, Daniel murmured into his ear, along with other meaningless promises and other empty phrases. “It’s gonna be alright, Angel.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks and every time, Daniel whispered the detested name in his ear, it was another stone on top of the mountain that pushed his chest in and kept him from breathing.

But Daniel didn’t understand. He just held him, until his tears stopped. Not because he calmed down, but because he gave every tear he had and now there was nothing left.

* * *

Daniel spent the entire day with him. After Kiran stopped crying, he just proceeded as if nothing had happened. He didn’t mention the bald spot on Kiran’s wings, ignored the bonds and his pained noises. Instead, he read to Kiran, commented on the main character’s stupidity maybe a bit too enthusiastically and when Tradwill came to inform them that the show was going to start in one hour, he helped him wash and massaged some of the tension out of his legs. He left his wings alone. He knew that Kiran wouldn’t allow the touch. Not today when every pressure, no matter how gentle, felt like a knife.

Over the course of the day, Daniel managed to slowly improve Kiran’s mood. So far, that he survived the show in the late afternoon. Everyone could see that Kiran wasn’t feeling good today, so they just freed his wings, let him stretch out and fly, without stupid games. Probably because they didn’t want to humiliate themselves in case he just ignored the rings.

Spreading his wings after all these days in the cage was so freeing that his eyes watered. It hurt, but in a good way. He didn’t have the stamina to stay in the air for as long as he would’ve wanted, but he came down willingly when his energy ran out. Tradwill made a spectacle out of babbling about supposed facts about his wings while Kiran expanded and stretched them.

The entire way back, Daniel didn’t say anything, but Kiran could feel his tension almost physically. Only after he released Kiran from his bonds and locked him in the cage, he squatted on the other side of the bars and looked him in the eyes with a serious expression.

“I quit. I’ll move tomorrow.”

Kiran clutched both his hands around the bars and raised one eyebrow questioning.

“I wanna get settled. I met someone with whom I want to start a family and… I can’t bear being responsible for you any longer, Angel.”

He faltered and cautiously reached with one hand through the bars but looked up to Kiran to ask for permission first. Shakily Kiran moved closer and Daniel laid a hand on his cheek.

“I know I treated you horribly. Maybe you’ll be able to forgive me someday.”

Kiran didn’t answer instead, he spread his feathers as far as the cage allowed. Sadly, Daniel watched the bright white feathers, and very carefully, he reached for them. At first, Kiran jerked away, but when he looked at Daniel again, he allowed the touch.

Daniel’s eyes widened and he smiled. “They are so soft”, he whispered and stroked his feathers gently.

“Thank you, I know I don’t really deserve it.”

He retracted his hand and for a moment Kiran grabbed it, held him back. But when he saw Daniel’s sad gaze, he let go.

“I saw you every day for years but it’s still breath-taking.”, he murmured.

Kiran stretched his wings and for a moment he pressed them through the bars as far as he could. Then he folded them behind his back again.

“I… I hope we’ll see each other again.”, Daniel whispered.

Kiran touched one of the leather bands of his gag and stared at him.

“When you get rid of it someday, then find me. No matter what you have to tell me, no matter if you want revenge or if you might forgive me. I… I just want to hear your voice.”

Slowly Kiran nodded and lowered his hand.

“I hope we will see each other again.”, he said, then he stood up and left the stable.

Kiran laid down in a haze and stared at the wall. Daniel had been responsible for him for years, almost as long as he’d been here. He was all he had. He was his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah... Daniel became much more important in this second draft I'm writing while translating. Originally he was supposed to drop out at this point and basically not return, but now, I feel like he has to make a come back. We'll see how that goes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreachiate every Kudo, bookmark or subscription.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New handler and Visitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that I added the Non-Consensual Touching tag to this fic. It won't ever get sexual, but this chapter focuses a lot on it and I deemed it necessary. Be cautious if this makes you in any way uncomfortable. 
> 
> Feel free to tell me if I need to add more Trigger Warnings, I know I touch on some heavy topics here.

The next morning he awoke to the sound of metallic rattling. He rose with a start to see a woman hitting the bars with a baton.

“Good morning, sunshine. My name’s Sarah and I’m the one responsible for you from now on. Meaning, you shouldn’t piss me off, else I’ll make your life a whole lot harder.”

Kiran eyed her suspiciously. She was a small woman, but muscular with blond hair, held together in a ponytail that fell over her left shoulder.

“Good, now that that’s settled: breakfast time.”, she said and held up a cup.

He scrunched his nose but slid closer to the bars. She grasped his hands and before he could react, she bound him with handcuffs to one of the horizontal bars. Then she reached for his gag and pulled him even closer. She took a little key out of her pocket and felt for the lock at the back of his head. Just a few seconds later it clicked open and she pulled away the top leather strap.

Sarah shoved a straw into the tube in his gag, nodding encouraging.

“Dig in!”, Sarah exclaimed grinning.

For a couple of seconds, he just stared at her, but then he started sucking on his liquid meal. Still better than starving. Eating this way was disgusting. Not just because he hadn’t eaten something solid for a decade, but because the taste mixed with the leather on his tongue and stayed with him for a couple of hours. Every now and then, they sedated him and replaced the gag. He always realised how bad the old one had tasted after he had a new one in his mouth.

“Taste good?”, Sarah asked, still grinning gleefully.

Kiran clenched his fists and his wings twitched.

“Sorry, I’m sure you miss solid food. What do you miss most? Did you have a favourite food? Maybe I can purée it for you.”

Kiran jerked back, but Sarah expected it and just reached further into the cage so Kiran couldn’t pull back. 

"Ah! Eat up boy!”, she said and smiled. Kiran vigorously shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the straw.

Suddenly Sarah’s face hardened. She hit the bars with her baton and hissed quietly: “Eat up, or you won’t get anything for a week. And you should rethink your attitude. I won’t hesitate to pluck those lovely feathers of yours and bind your wings so strict you can’t even twitch anymore.”

Kiran froze and looked her in the eyes fearfully. 

“You heard that right. Now be a good angel and finish up.”

He hesitated for a second, pondered if it was worth the consequences to offer resistance now. He didn’t doubt that she would follow up on her threats. Even Daniel did that, everyone knew one had to set up clear rules for him. So, he swallowed his resistance and sucked on the straw until the cup was empty.

“Good boy.”, Sarah said, suddenly in a good mood, and pulled away.

Without much effort, she fastened the upper leather straw back over his mouth and clicked the lock closed. But before she opened the handcuffs, she let her hands wander through Kiran’s hair, down to his neck until she met his shoulders. As soon as she reached for his wing, Kiran drew back as far as he could and glared at her.

“What is it with your kind and your wings?”, she sighed and retracted her hand.

Kiran already prepared for her pulling him to the bars to grope his wings, but she pulled another key out of her pocket, opened his handcuffs and stood up.

“Today we’ll have some visitors for the petting zoo. They pay extra, I expect you to behave better then.”

Kiran slid back and spread his wings a little.

“I gotta give you that: You are the most beautiful angel I’ve ever seen. No wonder that you’re so famous.”

He looked up to her and raised an eyebrow, but she just smiled at him and left the stables. Kiran sighed and stretched his wings as far as he could. The petting zoo was always taxing. He shuddered when he thought about some of the visitors that had touched and stroked him after being tied down. It wasn’t always like that. In truth, it was rarely like that, most often petting zoo were just some spoiled rich kids that stared at him with eyes like saucers and asked stupid questions about magic.

Not that he didn’t like children, quite the opposite. He liked seeing the wonder in their eyes, making them smile with nothing more than a ruffle of his feathers. But they could be rough and demanding.

In thought, he hooked his finger into one of the straps of his gag and retracted his wings. What was good behaviour for Sarah? Probably something else than it had been for Daniel.

He didn’t pay attention to all the people coming into the stable during the morning to prepare it for the visitors. But when they slid a bowl with water into his cage, he let it run through his fingers for a while, trying to calm himself by watching the water drip and drip and drip. After a while, he realised that his hands wouldn’t stop trembling, so he cleaned himself and retracted back to the farthest corner of the cage.

* * *

He immediately recognised the visitors because of their fine garments and excited faces. In the circus everyone had gotten used to him, he was just another animal they had to take care of. But for the visitors, he still was this supernatural fascinating creature, surrounded by legends and myths.

They were two families: four adults, two children and a teenager. The children were shy and hid behind their parents, whereas the teenage girl tried her best to look bored.

In a hurry, Kiran pulled his wings behind his back, but the movement immediately got their attention. Still, he made himself as small as possible when their eyes locked onto him. But no one came to his cage, no one tried to bind him or touch him. Maybe that part would follow later, but for now, Kiran allowed himself to relax a little. He had to behave, he repeated internally. He wasn’t eager to get to know Sarah’s bad side.

“This is Angel.”, Miriam introduced him. She always did these tours because she was good with children and Kiran didn’t hate her. That increased the possibility that he would show himself. Not that he could hide.

“Seriously? His name is actually Angel?”, the teenage girl asked.

Miriam shook her head. “No, it’s not. But we don’t know how he’s really called and the nickname sorta stuck.”

“Why don’t you know his real name?”, one of the adults followed up. Kiran stared daggers at Miriam and raised an eyebrow expectantly. Try selling that story kids friendly. Miriam ignored his angry gaze in favour of smiling at the man who had asked and explaining: “Well, angels are gagged as soon as they are captured. The risk that they use magic words is too big, so we couldn’t ever speak with him and ask.”

“Can’t he write?”

Kiran snorted mentally. Clever.

“He can, at least we suspect it because he can read. But there is magic writing that corresponds with their language and even though we aren’t sure if he can do it, there are reports of angels that can perform magic through written word instead of spoken. The risk is too high, so we never gave him pen and paper.”

Kiran rolled his eyes. He had been eight when he was captured. This kind of magic was very advanced, he had no clue how it worked. Everyone with more than two brain cells could guess that. 

The children seemed to slowly warm up and emerged behind their parents. Cautiously, they walked to the cage and stared at him with wide eyes. Kiran swallowed hard, unsure of what to do. Should he approach them to show Sarah his eagerness? His wings flared a bit behind his back at that thought. No volunteering for his own humiliation then.

“Mum, he really looks like an angel.”, a little girl whispered and turned around.

“Yes, honey. He looks like out of a storybook.”

“Most angels have brown wings. Grey and black are common as well but wings as pure white as Angel’s is rare.”, Miriam explained and moved closer to the cage as well.

“Is there a reason for that?”

“No. As far as we know the colour of the wings is just genetics, like the hair colour.”

For a moment the memories of gorgeous white wings and brown feathers wrapped around him forced themselves into his vision. Kiran had to blink a couple of times while grabbing the fabric of his pants to bring himself back to the present.

When he saw clearly again, the children were pressing themselves against the bars. Especially the little girl seemed to be completely spellbound.

“Get away from the bars, it’s dangerous.”, one of the mothers said and reluctantly the children took a step backwards.

“He has never harmed a visitor. He only gets aggressive with us, from the circus, and even then, only when he is treated unfairly. You reap what you sow with him.”, Miriam explained and squatted down in front of the cage.

“Hey, Angel.”, she greeted him softly and extended an arm into the cage, “Could you come out of your corner? I’m sure you would make the kids very happy.”

Kiran stared at her while his inner turmoil unfolded. Sarah would want him to do what Miriam wanted. How come she already was buried this deep in his thoughts? Daniel never was. Or was he? He probably was. What would he have done if it still were Daniel? Miriam wasn’t going to do anything. Probably. He couldn’t be sure. Never sure. But Sarah? She would do something. Something unknown. He hated unknown. He hated being touched by the visitors. He hated being robbed of… At this moment he didn’t even know what he was being robbed of. It didn’t matter, he just wanted it back. Desperately.

His eyes flicked towards the two small children that looked at him as if he would start shitting rainbows any second. Why did his heart have to go soft at that sight? Why did his thoughts settle around this timid smile?

He groaned internally but stood up nevertheless and settled on his side of the bars. Miriam really knew how to get him to do what she wanted. Make the kids happy. It was that easy.

“Thank you, Angel.”, Miriam cooed and ran her fingers through his hair before gently stroking his wings, always eyeing him cautiously to see his reaction. He allowed her touch, frozen into place, not fully comprehending what she was doing. He trusted that she wouldn’t pluck any feather, not exactly sure how she had earned that trust, but she hadn’t broken it yet, so that had to mean something. So he let his mind settle into this comfortable numbness that made the time pass slowly and insanely fast simultaneously. Warm and fuzzy, without this sharp edge in his thoughts that usually cut away on his mind.

“Normally he’s hand tame. At least inside his cage. Only with his wings, one must be extremely cautious. He rarely lets someone touch them. Mostly only people he’s known for a long time and always treat him well.”

Kiran turned to the children and smiled at them, even though they probably couldn’t see it behind his gag. He liked children. He could make them happy, that was easy.

“Hello, Angel.”, the small boy said timidly and came closer to the bars, ignoring his mother’s plea to be cautious. Kiran nodded and held out his arm so he could touch him if he would reach through the bars. And surprisingly, after a bit of hesitation, he stretched out his arm and stroke his skin once. The touch shot tingles up his body. Searing hot and sparkling like firecrackers. But not wrong particularly. Behind his curtain of numbness, he just registered the peacefulness of the contact. Non-threatening. Innocent.

“He’s so soft.”, the boy exclaimed and stroke him again until Kiran lowered his arm.

“True.”, Miriam explained, “His skin is soft as velvet, and his feathers… Well, they are something else.”

Kiran never understood why the humans were obsessed with touching him. Even Tradwill often couldn’t resist.

He blinked once and looked to the other child, a small girl, not older than six, that met his gaze curiously. With a smile, he held out his arm for her and immediately she reached through the bars with her tiny hands and made amazed sounds when she felt how soft his skin was. He couldn’t stop grinning behind his gag. These two were cute.

“Mummy, Mummy!”, the girl shouted, “Touch him, he is so soft. Like my blankie.”

“Softer.”, the boy commented.

One of the adult women came, squatted behind her children and hugged the girl from behind.

“Really? As soft as your blankie? I can’t believe that.”

“Touch him!”, the girl demanded, and the woman looked up to Kiran. Their eyes met for a couple of seconds until she swallowed and turned her gaze away. Still, she reached through the bars cautiously but hesitated before she touched him. Her gaze flicked upwards again as if waiting for permission. For a moment he relished in the feeling of control this woman gave him, then he nodded ever so slightly and broke eye contact. He allowed her to stroke gently over his skin with the tips of her fingers. Her eyes widened and she smiled faintly.

“You’re right. He is as soft as your blankie.”, she stated and retracted her hand. The small girl turned around to Miriam.

“And his wings really are even more soft?”

“Yes, they are. But he won’t let you touch them, sorry.”

Still, the girl stretched out her small hand through the bars once more and reached out in the direction of his wings. Shock tore through his body, ripped him violently out of his own mind and back to reality. Immediately he slid back, out of reach of her hands. She looked disappointed, her lips pulled down into a pout. His hands shook so he grabbed the fabric of his pants again.

For a moment that he could not tell if it had lasted minutes or less than a second, he stared at the sad eyes of the girls and did nothing but panic. What had he done? He didn’t behave. He hadn’t… He couldn’t…

So he did the next best. He spread his wings, as far as the cage allowed for and closed his eyes, tensed his muscles and stretched thoroughly. It wasn’t enough. It never was. Not in this small cage in which he could spread his wings just barely half their span.

When he opened his eyes the kids stared at him awestruck and the adults made impressed faces as well, not even trying to hide it. One last time he pressed the tips of his wings through the bars in an attempt to spread his wings as far as possible, then he folded them behind his back.

“You can’t spread your wings completely in here, can you?”, the mother of the girl asked and looked at him almost pitiful.

He didn’t dare to answer, unsure of what honesty would cost him.

“Does it hurt you?”, she whispered.

He eyed her suspiciously, frozen in place, too scared to nod and too proud to lie for them.

“Why isn’t the cage bigger?”, one of the men asked.

“The wings of an angel are their biggest weapons, apart from their magic.”, Miriam explained, “We can’t risk it. The small cage weakens his wings. It makes him flightless and reduces his strength in case of a fight. Other holders keep angel wings bound permanently, we’re giving him as much freedom as we can.”

“Flightless?”, the mother repeats horrified and looks down on his wings.

“He can fly short distances, but neither very high nor far. And as far as we know only in the controlled atmosphere of the circus tent. Outside he doesn’t have the strength to fly against the currents.”

He felt spent. Felt his mind retreating back into itself again at the impersonal description of what they had done. He no longer had the energy in him to think about how much he missed flying. How much every… He didn’t have the energy to think anymore.

He didn’t like the way the adults looked at him now, so he backed away into his corner. He knew that he couldn’t escape their eyes, but he could give them as little of himself as possible. Therefore, he made himself as small as he could and hid his wings behind his body.

“I think Angel needs a little break. How about, we go to the ponies? We need to give him some water later today, then we can come back.”

The children looked a little disappointed but agreed. The mother lifted her girl up and kissed her softly on the head before she turned around and followed Miriam down the corridor to the ponies.

Kiran sat in his corner, staring at nothing, gently rocking back and forth. Somewhere in his mind, he registered how badly he was shaking. How worried Miriam had looked when she had hurried the group on and how wrong all of this was. He didn’t dare to think about… So, he thought about Daniel and impossible soft white feathers. About building snowmen and catching rings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a bit of a nightmare. I had to rearrange a lot and then realised that it was just a huge info dump, missing all conflict. Therefore I added like a lot of internal conflict. 
> 
> I know that Kiran's characterisation is really inconsistent, but I'm writing strictly from his point of view and he isn't the most stable person, understandably. Therefore he doesn't act consistently or makes logic jumps in his behaviour. Same goes for all the other characters he describes, he sees them through the filter of his own mind. 
> 
> However, we're slowly getting to the good stuff here, meaning there might be some more plot in your future. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, kudos and comments are very appreciated


End file.
